Since moving to Edmonton for school, Sophie flies a lot and does this thing where she picks an ‘enemy’ on every flight she takes. It could be a person in the aisle seat who falls asleep, blocking bathroom access. Once it was a little kid who was funnier than her and she was jealous. Her new temporary enemy is usually the first thing we talk about on the drive home from the airport. I’ve flown a lot these last two days and for the first time, I’ve made flight enemies myself.
On the 9 hour flight to London not only did I not get any armrest space, I had to gently remove a stranger’s elbow from my knee. Twice. She was so fast and loose with her elbows that during dinner she tipped my red wine askew while gesturing animatedly. I felt quite proud of having caught my wine cup in time and I moved it to the left side of my tray instead, only to then promptly spill it on myself and Steve. I guess that useless looking little divot on your tray table is a more solid cup holder than it would appear. (And as I type this I realize that it probably makes me Steve’s prime flight enemy. None of us are immune.)
Today was a new day with a new flight to Spain. And a new enemy! The man beside me not only conquered the entire armrest between us with his arm but also encroached well past it into my precious narrow airspace. He spread out. With his hairy arms. How hairy, you ask? Would it be too much to say the hair in his arms was 5 inches long? It would, but I’m going to say it anyway. In my zest to demonize my new foe I also couldn’t help noticing that as he fell asleep, his far leg manspread well into the aisle as well. Everything about him oozed into whatever space it could find. He was melted cheese. Melted, hairy cheese. I looked down and saw in horror that he had taken off both his socks and shoes and had curled the gnarled, hobbity toes of one foot around the bar dividing our legroom. He gripped to it like an animal clinging to a branch for safety.
With fifteen minutes left in the flight he began making attempts at small talk which I was very ready to rebuff. But then he noticed the poetry book Steve was reading and they got to talking across me and it turns out they’re both literature professors and poets who have published in some of the same places and they know some people in common. To hear each other they rudely leaned across me but then the hairy man had the audacity to very kindly keep trying to include me in the conversation in a polite and respectful way, which had the effect of me transferring enemy status to Steve. (I was able to do this because I can only assume that by this point the gentleman had also uncurled his toes from that bar because from the way he leaned in, the angle would’ve been impossible.)
And Steve has already exchanged emails with his new bestie. But who knows if the love will last because Steve just found out this guy has a bigger Wikipedia page than him. Trouble in paradise!
Anyway guys Granada is really nice! I put a picture of it here for you.
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