This One?

Before we left on this trip I was determined to learn some Italian. I listened to a few different Italian language CDs, but sadly, I only came away with a few phrases. One of them is “io capiscoo un po Italiano”, which means “I understand a little Italian,” which is, of course, a lie. The other phrase that stuck with me is “Questo qui?” which means “this one?” I was especially excited about the latter, since it could be a question or an answer. I had imagined myself walking through the streets of Rome, forcefully saying ‘questo qui!”, pointing out things I would like people to buy or lift for me….but now that I’m here, I realize learning how to ask where the bathroom is would have been way more useful. In a pinch, I suppose I could mime sitting on a toilet, pointing to the space beneath my butt, and ask ‘questo qui?” but Hannah is almost twelve and would die of embarrassment and most certainly never speak to me again.

Of course almost everyone I’ve spoken to here speaks quite a bit of English, and there are so many people around that I pick up a few more Italian words, and can soon say hello and thanks and goodbye. After actually using the phrase ‘questo qui’ in a café to point out a pastry I want to buy, I get cocky and figure I should go see the new Woody Allen movie, which has just come out on in Rome. Oh sure, it’s all in Italian, with no subtitles, but I figure I can wing it. I’ve always liked Woody Allen movies, and this one is especially fitting – it’s called “To Rome with Love”, so won’t seeing it in Rome be great?

I head to the theatre by myself, since Steve and the girls think this is a preposterous idea. What’s weird is that there are no snacks or drinks anywhere in the theatre, and I’m twenty years younger and very underdressed compared to everyone else. Before the movie they don’t play any ads or anything, and it’s so quiet, I can hear someone’s cell phone ringing in their bag. It’s ringing forever and ever, and I start to feel embarrassed for whichever oldie can’t hear or figure out their phone, before realizing….it’s me. I’m the oldie. One of the girls’ ipods is in my bag and they must have accidently set the timer earlier, and I didn’t recognize the sound. Great start.

There is short trailer for a Bernardo Bertolucci movie which has two young people with really bad skin, one of whom seems to have a pet aardvark. Huh? And then my movie starts.

Rome looks beautiful. Just like in his other recent movies “Vicky Cristina Barcelona” and “Midnight in Paris”, Woody showcases all the beautiful tourist spots around the city… the scenery is magnificent. And it’s a good thing, because…I cannot understand the movie at all. Why does Alec Baldwin keep showing up when he wasn’t there a minute ago? How did they find an Italian guy who can exactly mimic Woody Allen’s voice? How come Ellen Page can’t tie a proper ponytail in her hair? I enjoy the scene where a woman is making coffee in her espresso maker…because it looks exactly like the one in our apartment and I could use some instructions.

I’ll tell you the best parts, but there’s no need for a spoiler alert since they are sort of personal: at one point, all the characters go to a movie and come out of the movie theatre we are actually in! All of us in the audience, including me, ooh and aah at this. (Look at me, in Rome, doing as the Romans do.) But the highlight for me, is of course, when Woody and his movie wife bring a bottle of wine to someone’s house when they go for dinner, and she points to the bottle and actually says “questo qui?” I howl at this, but no one else in the theatre does, since it isn’t a funny part. But secretly I am thrilled. Io capisisco un po Italiano!